our Guardian Angel

we, that is, my six-year-old son Nicholas and I, have a Guardian Angel. and that GA just happens to be an ex of mine. loooooong story. Do you have a few minutes? *smiles invitingly*

i am 36, GA is 37. 

As teens, we both went to a lot of the same shows — hardcore shows — and his circle of friends overlapped with my circle of friends. I broke up with my high-school / college boyfriend, Espana, and hooked up with GA. i say we– me and GA–  were together for 5yrs when technically it was only two and a half. but since he was a better boyfriend for the two and a half years that followed out “technical” break-up, i say 5yrs.

the first 2.5yrs began when i was 19, he was 20. it was good. well, it was okay. his friends annoyed me with their pretentious attempts at pretending they were more intelligent than they were. but AFTER we broke up, we met three or four times a week for awesome sex — this was because the girl he broke up with me for got off work at two or three morning, and i’d get home a bit after midnight, and GA and I’d  have awesome sex, then he’d eave and he’d pick her up after work like a good boyfriend. *sarcastic lol*

(I should point out that while GA and I were “officially” dating, this girl met me & knew we were together yet STILL went for him. However, she had one thing on her side: she was friends with all of his friends while I thought them to be a group of pretentious wanna-bes after they watched a Nostradamus video & decided he wasn’t the quack he is *serious lol*)

After GA and I “broke up”, we did things we said we’d do while we were together. We took a trip upstate by car. We tripped on shrooms. We actually TALKED and got to know each other.

Then I moved to Park Slope, a few blocks away from him. we had one of those “last time” sex get-togethers. And I got pregnant.

I wasn’t going to tell him, after all, we weren’t together, and I had the money to raise a child. Then I received some bad advice: if I didn’t tel him and he sa us & recognized Jacob as his son, he could take me to court and get full custody.

So I told GA.

And he freaked.

I asked him to sign away his rights as a parent and I wouldn’t ask for a penny in child support. No go.

I’d always been pro-choice, just not for me.

But I did it.

I don’t want to get into it — still too painful — but I, who will not let another person kill a chicken for me, killed my own child.

I had just fought, and beat, cervical cancer. Here I was, pregnant, with a very, very, VERY small chance of actually carrying the baby to (full) term, and I did it. I won’t get into the reasons now because, even though Jacob would’ve been born around the beginning of March 2000, it is still painful.

So let’s fast forward a few years. I kill Jacob, I decide if I get fat no guy will want me, I start working on getting fat, I date a guy who is like a child, then I get together with my sons dad, a.k.a. Bad Dad or BD. We have an AMAZING child, my son, Nicholas. Then I bump into GA.

Turns out we live a few blocks away from each other and in the (almost) ten years since we’ve seen each other, he has grown up, matured — a lot. He’s actually a MAN. *gasp*

After ND and I break up, GA becomes my, how hall I put this politely?, my Booty Call. Only probem is I haven’t actually gotten off yet, but I’ve come close. Most of it is psychological — even though BD has his arem of 20-yr olds, I still feel like I’m cheating on BD. Go figure.

So, BD has screwed me out of so many cell phones it would take hours to explain it all. Suffice to say, he got me a tmobile phone on his plan, a family share plan, and told me it woud be good for two years. Bull poop!!!

Guess who came to the rescue? Of all people, the one who is the reason for me being fat, the reason for my breakdown, my Guardian Angel. He gave me the money so I wouldn’t lose the number. I had to switch carriers but, as of ten a.m. this morning, the carrier BD has told me, “he hasn’t paid the phones go off at midnight”.

And so life does work in circles. I guess. I’m not sure what life lesson you can take away from this. All I know is that my son and I have a Guardian Angel, and he lives a few blocks from us.

Thank  You, Guardian Angel 🙂