Posted in boys, Life, parenting

Father’s Day Update

9am

since i’m not sure if my father and i are speaking… his latest wife beat me up for Mother’s Day 2010. time passed as it is wont to do. then my dad had an operation where they put screws in his toes so i sent my dad an email titled, “heard you got screwed”. i kept to simple, somewhat cheery topics, and received a reply almost immediately. before i read my dad’s reply, i read one from my grandmother — my best friend, and the mother of my father — and her email read, “your dads email might not be what you were expecting”. so i haven’t read my dads email yet. happy dads day, dad, enjoy hanging with your puta (she really was) wife who is only 2 or 3 years older than me.

on to other topics. did i mention my son won three awards? one for Achievement (no idea what it means but it looks good), one for completing Speech (he was the only one & the little ham stood up on stage, holding his award, and slowly turning, “so that everyone would be able to get a good picture” lol), and, finally, one for Excellence in Dance (not sure where he gets the dance talent from. his dad can’t dance, and i can only dance to Latin music.)

there’s the next door neighbor who speaks only Russian. the supers wife says he’s 20 or 22, so, LEGAL for this puma (“Cougars” are women 40+ into younger guys. i’m 36 so i’m a Puma.). anyways, boy next door can say “gun”, “tattoo”, and “Moscow” in English. now i just need to figure out how to say, “Booty Call” in Russian. Maybe i can ask StudMuffin, formerly ShyBoy. after all, I am about to introduce the boy to the GREATEST WRITER EVER (Neil Gaiman, duh).

ok. my son is bugging me to let me do my toenails. yes, he wants to paint my toenails. then i’ll trim his hair. and remove my piercings *sob*. i’m having an MRI tomorrow. or two, not sure how to properly say it. one on my lower back, one on my right shoulder. i’m horrified of being in a small tube but i suppose its the closest i’ll get to feeling like a guy in a really loose… uh, never mind. i’m more upset about taking out the piercings for a day than i am about being stuck in that tube.

“I cannot wait,” says my son, who is insisting on putting glitter on my toenails. not happening.

oh, and for those of you (all three) who are interested in StudMuffin formerly ShyBoy updates, this is my last week of sexually harassing him due to N getting out of school next week. unless, of course, he comes over to watch something and i can leave my son downstairs with our neighbor and goddamn it, even if he isn’t into fluffy chicks i’ve got AMAZING breasts and full, luscious lips which are oh-so-kissable. he says he’s been single for a while so that would mean lots of jerking off and wtf i’m offering something BETTER than masturbation *sigh* i give up. how do you say that in russian?

damn. the neighbours went offline. how am i supposed to post this?

and my son is doing my nails. i’ve agreed to the glitter on my fingernails. since i’ll be doing dishes later — assuming i’m not too depressed from the lack of piercings — some of the glitter’ll prob wash off.

oh & i just found out what “imo” stands for. thank you, mr axl rose.

11:14am

ok. nails done (check).

cut the boys hair (check).

almost cut the boys ear off because he moved after i told him NOT to move 327 times (check).

removed piercings, some of which have been in 17 years (i got the tragus — that little piece of cartilage that sticks out from the ear, closest to the face — for my 19th birthday. technically i got my first ear lobe piercing at…um…8, i think, but i haven’t had the ring in it for that long. i’m only counting piercings which haven’t been removed since i got them.).

still waiting on the disability check (the big one, not the one which will pay 74.3% of my rent each month. welfare has dropped from paying 87.42% of my rent to paying 23.88% of my rent. yes, welfare plus disability equals only 98.18% of my rent. i’m still getting $260 cash a month from welfare, though. take away $20 for the rent, $50 for my phone, we are down to $190 a month. then there is transportation — minimum, $20/week, $80/month — laundry, non-food items, etc and, oh, yeah, ConnEd, electricity… yup, i’m screwed. when school starts, i can tutor, even dog walk. but during the heat of the summer i cannot go out. loooooong story. i’m allergic to the sun. i used to pass out / faint, but now that i’m fluffy — not fat — i just feel sick, get nauseated…told you, long story.). anyway, i was planning on buying some barbells for my horizontal nipple piercings. and then getting vertical piercings in the nips. as long as i have enough after fixing-up tattoos i have and getting new ones. yay!

 1:04pm

just put the high E string on my guitar. tried to show my son how to do it but i made the mistake of playing “Hollywood Undead” by Black Dahlia Murders at the same time and i admit we were both paying more attention to the song than to the guitar, which i believe is now tuned although being tone-deaf, who the fuck knows? i could call my ex, or maybe StudMuffin (formerly Shy Boy), but the former would require lots of cigarettes& calming techniques and the latter would require my neighbour to be home (do 20year olds “dry fuck”? or is that just teens? is he going to expect to fuck me the first time we fool around? i haven’t really been single since i was 16. but i do know that, before one has sex, the boy WILL kiss the girl, and will make out, because he knows this is the path to get in her pants. once sex happens, the kissing is still there, it just happens for, oh, two seconds, and then he’s reaching for the bra or trying to undo the pants. which is why i’m into ShyBoy aka StudMuffin — since he doesn’t read this, he doesn’t know i’m willing to put out& will therefore put some effort into the kissing. and i am a girl who NEEDS TO BE KISSED. seriously. i feel ill when i haven’t  been kissed in a while.)

ok. it’s 1:13pm & i need cigarettes. will try to call my neighbor. if shes home & willing to watch the boy (my son), i will call StudBoy (aka ShyBoy, aka StudMuffin) & tell him to get his ass over here. he’s 20 for fuck’s sake & if he says he’s been single for a year well, read the jerking-off bit above. shit, i’ll do it for him. but i need to be kissed or i will shrivel up and die. not really, but… please let my neighbor be home & please let StudBoy be getting up from his fun night last night & we all know what boys wake up with & really, i’m, not THAT fluffy!!!

i’ll let you know later. we’ve got three choices. no piercings. either i’m getting myself off (pathetic), my Booty Call is (good. first time since we dated. i think. i’m assuming he got me off while we dated) or StudShyBoy (yay! yes! i’m pathetic! i’m corrupting the young!!!!).

 

 

 

 

 

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Author:

Mom, cat-lover, ovo-lacto vegetarian, voracious reader, verbose writer on various subjects. Expect anything & everything & feel free to suggest a topic or ask a question.

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