25 Things (as copied from Facebook; i did this about a year ago)

here’s my list:

1. i really and truly believe my kid is way better than any other kid in the world. and not just because i’m his mom. he really is.

2. i’ve been an ovo-lacto vegatarian for twenty years but about ten years ago i accidentally bought a frozen pizza with sausage and pepperoni. and i ate it.

3. i was a big fan of 80’s “hair” bands: poison, cinderella… speaking of embarrassing bands, i was a huge new kids on the block fan when i was a freshman in high school

4. the duck billed platypus is my favorite animal (thought i’d say “cat”, didn’t you?). but if i could be any animal (other than human) it would be a cat

5. i won’t sleep with or date famous people. and on that note why is leo dicaprio still famous? he was such a brat at 19.

6. my paternal grandmother is and always has been my best friend

7. i took the 1,000 question purity test my senior year of high school and was 33% pure

8. i was on captain kangaroo when i was a kid. we were told to sit at a table while he read us a book, but he had me sit on his lap.

9. when i was 19 i had some connections send photos to Playboy to be a centerfold. they said my face looked too young for my body but they’d be happy to use me in a lingerie special. i said no. they contacted me after i was 21 re. centerfold but the internet was just starting and i was making more than $50,000 keeping my clothes on

10. i seriously considered a sex-change operation. for years.

11. the last name i use, “Stevens” is a mix of my dad’s name growing up (stephen) and the first boy i, uh, was “in love” with (steven). my son’s middle name is also steven.

12. i’ve always thought it’s more natural for women to be with women and men with men.

13. i got mono from the boy i lost my virginity to but i’ve never (knock wood) had an std. unless you count yeast infections ;)(thank you creepy romero)

14. my son, my dad, my father’s mother, and i all have exactly the same eyes. my son, my dad, my dad’s dad, and i all have a flat spot on the back of our heads (i thought i’d been dropped as a baby!) and a, uh, well it’s not an extra vertebra, not quite a short tail but… hey. according to scientists and other experts (who probably have a tail themselves) it’s a sign of a more highly evolved human. you know, a tail for balance? but that doesn’t explain why i’m such a klutz.

15. i read A LOT of graphic novels but as a kid i wasn’t really into comics

16. i treat my birthday like a national holiday. my ideal birthday meal would be assorted wheat gluten at HOV followed by Veniero’s.

17. i’ve never checked baggage — and i’ve gone away for two months at a time (i am awesome at packing. it’s a shame i can’t get paid to pack for other people.)

18. if i could do anything it would be writing at home so i could take care of my many children (that i haven’t had yet) and my partner (male or female, as long as they take good care of the kids. and me!)

19. i still don’t think of myself as an adult

20. after i had cervical cancer (plus a few other stressors) i had a slight breakdown and thought if i got fat guys would leve me alone. yes, i got fat on purpose and have to “work” to keep the weight on. and, yes, i know that means i’m crazy. and guys like fat chicks. then again, so do i.

21. despite the statistics, i believe it is possible to be in an exclusive relationship with just one other person. i believe in lasting love. (yes i know it takes work. people give up too quickly. or never even try. ahem. raised eyebrow.)

22. i cannot lie. i can skirt around the truth but if asked a direct question…

23. i really enjoyed being a professional dominatrix but then it became too trendy and girls started taking off their clothes and giving extras which ruined it for those of us who had real talent. my specialty was ropes — when i was a child i would tie up furniture and in h.s. i had ropes permanently under/on my bed.

24. i hate when something i’m into becomes cool/popular/trendy. like i was doing body piercing and then all of a sudden everyone and (literally) their mother wanted a navel piercing. i could do it upside down backwards blindfolded…

25. i’ve never done crack and i’ve never shot up.


1 thought on “25 Things (as copied from Facebook; i did this about a year ago)”

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