Coming Soon…
Blogs I’m working on:
* Cats (a very biased, pro-feline piece)
* Book and Author reviews, including new teen authors I’ve been reading: Katie MacAllister, Melissa de la Cruz, etc.
* History of My Feet &How I learned about the sensuous side of foot worship
* First Love, and stalking ones First in the Internet Age
* Free Writing, and some older pieces I’ve been working on
* Writing a novel on your phone
* plus any suggestions i receive
Hope you enjoy them- if and when i get around to finishing them 
New bf part 3, plus my son&jumping out of an elevator
I didn’t mention 2M or M2(squared) aka “Bf” was in a halfway house. Not a homeless shelter. In Oct 2010he was married to his long time fiancée & had a toddler. Well, she went to sleep and didn’t wake up. He was 30; she was 33&dead.
Yes, drugs were involved. But bf was in a place where he was clean&now they’re sending bf elsewhere. To a place where it’ll be two weeks minimum before I see him.
Typical. Bf’s clean. Bf hasn’t broken any fucking rules yet he’s being punished. And by proxy me, his mom, his son, my son…
So I’m heartbroken over this. That’s what happens when you’re infatuated, right? I called my ex.
Left a message. He, Bad Dad tho he is, lives from infatuation to infatuation. (Of course he convinces the girl it’s, “Love, True Love” a la Princess Bride.). But his latest gf (&I do mean GIRLfriend as she just turned 21&refuses to believe her sister&best friend when they confessed to having sex with BD *rolls eyes*) doesn’t go to work for a few hours…
Then, as I was going to get my son the elevator got stuck. I don’t know why they didn’t pull us up to the fourth floor but they made us jump down to the third.
A mom with her baby in a stroller refused (as I would’ve) but I had to get my son so I jumped, bruising my upper right thigh& left leg (no, not enough for a lawsuit Lilmor Mgmt, despite your charging $25/ room for the new “elevator”& NOT installing a NEW motor.)
Now my son’s Therapist is here for a home visit. I’m trying not to listen but it’s hard… my son is so melodramatic, like me, that he can be a bit loud lol
So. Ideally my son& I would see my grandmother tomorrow. Then Sunday would be spent relaxing or cleaning.
My Mom keeps asking for a visit but the last time we went out there she had my son order some gifts&now he can’t get them unless he goes out again.
Well, he calls this “keeping [his] gifts hostage”& he won’t see her until he gets them.
I’ve tried explaining her side to him.
I’ve tried explaining his side to her.
She’s an adult.
He’s a child.
He won’t give.
Honestly? I agree with my son. My mom could’ve mailed them. But she’s probably thinking she’ll get a visit for them, tho I’ve told her how many toys he has. Eventually he’ll just not want him & getting him to see her will be harder.
I guess it could be my fault: I’ve told him how she beat me & locked me in closets (with the cats) as a child& how I was emancipated at 13. But I’ve also explained how I’m trying to work on a relationship with her…
According to her, she’s had stage IV breast cancer for close to four years. This beats any known record of stage 4 cancer. Not to mention that in the first year I had cervical cancer, I dropped 30lbs& lost the ability to walk. But everyone is different. Still, I think I’ll nominate her for the Guiness Book of World records for being the most functional stage 4 cancer patient whose maintained all of her hair and is able to do things actively that I can’t even do now. Go mom! Lol
Beloved wherefore art thou?
I met my Beloved (B) in 1994. Love at first sight. At least for me. I grew so attached to her daughter that when B&I lost touch about ’98 I think losing her daughter was more painful…
Fast forward about ten years. B has a son a year older than my boy&immediately I vow I will never get close to her boy as I cannot go thru the pain of losing another child.
This summer B’s mom passed suddenly leaving B&her older brother a house in south Jersey. It was going to be perfect, B assured me. Out boys could have bunkbeds& B&I would share a room. If one of us had a guy over the other could sleep in her daughters room. (Yes, the one I lost but still love as my own tho I doubt she knows it.)
B would bartenders nights and I would take care of the boys, chores. And write and get in shape.
Then it all fell apart&I don’t know why. I know Bs brother was staying …
But now my son & I are screwed. I can’t get in touch with B. And I’m pissed. She was supposed to be my friend.
I asked if we could move in in December but no answer. And I’d need a drivers license to live there but could use one anyway &she said I could use her car but…again, screwed. (We would have more options if I had my license but I can’t afford to rent a car.)
So,I ask, Beloved, wherefore art thou and WHY???
It’s 3:30am&I’ve been texting 14+ hours. I give.
Father’s Day Update
9am
since i’m not sure if my father and i are speaking… his latest wife beat me up for Mother’s Day 2010. time passed as it is wont to do. then my dad had an operation where they put screws in his toes so i sent my dad an email titled, “heard you got screwed”. i kept to simple, somewhat cheery topics, and received a reply almost immediately. before i read my dad’s reply, i read one from my grandmother — my best friend, and the mother of my father — and her email read, “your dads email might not be what you were expecting”. so i haven’t read my dads email yet. happy dads day, dad, enjoy hanging with your puta (she really was) wife who is only 2 or 3 years older than me.
on to other topics. did i mention my son won three awards? one for Achievement (no idea what it means but it looks good), one for completing Speech (he was the only one & the little ham stood up on stage, holding his award, and slowly turning, “so that everyone would be able to get a good picture” lol), and, finally, one for Excellence in Dance (not sure where he gets the dance talent from. his dad can’t dance, and i can only dance to Latin music.)
there’s the next door neighbor who speaks only Russian. the supers wife says he’s 20 or 22, so, LEGAL for this puma (“Cougars” are women 40+ into younger guys. i’m 36 so i’m a Puma.). anyways, boy next door can say “gun”, “tattoo”, and “Moscow” in English. now i just need to figure out how to say, “Booty Call” in Russian. Maybe i can ask StudMuffin, formerly ShyBoy. after all, I am about to introduce the boy to the GREATEST WRITER EVER (Neil Gaiman, duh).
ok. my son is bugging me to let me do my toenails. yes, he wants to paint my toenails. then i’ll trim his hair. and remove my piercings *sob*. i’m having an MRI tomorrow. or two, not sure how to properly say it. one on my lower back, one on my right shoulder. i’m horrified of being in a small tube but i suppose its the closest i’ll get to feeling like a guy in a really loose… uh, never mind. i’m more upset about taking out the piercings for a day than i am about being stuck in that tube.
“I cannot wait,” says my son, who is insisting on putting glitter on my toenails. not happening.
oh, and for those of you (all three) who are interested in StudMuffin formerly ShyBoy updates, this is my last week of sexually harassing him due to N getting out of school next week. unless, of course, he comes over to watch something and i can leave my son downstairs with our neighbor and goddamn it, even if he isn’t into fluffy chicks i’ve got AMAZING breasts and full, luscious lips which are oh-so-kissable. he says he’s been single for a while so that would mean lots of jerking off and wtf i’m offering something BETTER than masturbation *sigh* i give up. how do you say that in russian?
damn. the neighbours went offline. how am i supposed to post this?
and my son is doing my nails. i’ve agreed to the glitter on my fingernails. since i’ll be doing dishes later — assuming i’m not too depressed from the lack of piercings — some of the glitter’ll prob wash off.
oh & i just found out what “imo” stands for. thank you, mr axl rose.
11:14am
ok. nails done (check).
cut the boys hair (check).
almost cut the boys ear off because he moved after i told him NOT to move 327 times (check).
removed piercings, some of which have been in 17 years (i got the tragus – that little piece of cartilage that sticks out from the ear, closest to the face — for my 19th birthday. technically i got my first ear lobe piercing at…um…8, i think, but i haven’t had the ring in it for that long. i’m only counting piercings which haven’t been removed since i got them.).
still waiting on the disability check (the big one, not the one which will pay 74.3% of my rent each month. welfare has dropped from paying 87.42% of my rent to paying 23.88% of my rent. yes, welfare plus disability equals only 98.18% of my rent. i’m still getting $260 cash a month from welfare, though. take away $20 for the rent, $50 for my phone, we are down to $190 a month. then there is transportation — minimum, $20/week, $80/month — laundry, non-food items, etc and, oh, yeah, ConnEd, electricity… yup, i’m screwed. when school starts, i can tutor, even dog walk. but during the heat of the summer i cannot go out. loooooong story. i’m allergic to the sun. i used to pass out / faint, but now that i’m fluffy — not fat — i just feel sick, get nauseated…told you, long story.). anyway, i was planning on buying some barbells for my horizontal nipple piercings. and then getting vertical piercings in the nips. as long as i have enough after fixing-up tattoos i have and getting new ones. yay!
1:04pm
just put the high E string on my guitar. tried to show my son how to do it but i made the mistake of playing “Hollywood Undead” by Black Dahlia Murders at the same time and i admit we were both paying more attention to the song than to the guitar, which i believe is now tuned although being tone-deaf, who the fuck knows? i could call my ex, or maybe StudMuffin (formerly Shy Boy), but the former would require lots of cigarettes& calming techniques and the latter would require my neighbour to be home (do 20year olds “dry fuck”? or is that just teens? is he going to expect to fuck me the first time we fool around? i haven’t really been single since i was 16. but i do know that, before one has sex, the boy WILL kiss the girl, and will make out, because he knows this is the path to get in her pants. once sex happens, the kissing is still there, it just happens for, oh, two seconds, and then he’s reaching for the bra or trying to undo the pants. which is why i’m into ShyBoy aka StudMuffin — since he doesn’t read this, he doesn’t know i’m willing to put out& will therefore put some effort into the kissing. and i am a girl who NEEDS TO BE KISSED. seriously. i feel ill when i haven’t been kissed in a while.)
ok. it’s 1:13pm & i need cigarettes. will try to call my neighbor. if shes home & willing to watch the boy (my son), i will call StudBoy (aka ShyBoy, aka StudMuffin) & tell him to get his ass over here. he’s 20 for fuck’s sake & if he says he’s been single for a year well, read the jerking-off bit above. shit, i’ll do it for him. but i need to be kissed or i will shrivel up and die. not really, but… please let my neighbor be home & please let StudBoy be getting up from his fun night last night & we all know what boys wake up with & really, i’m, not THAT fluffy!!!
i’ll let you know later. we’ve got three choices. no piercings. either i’m getting myself off (pathetic), my Booty Call is (good. first time since we dated. i think. i’m assuming he got me off while we dated) or StudShyBoy (yay! yes! i’m pathetic! i’m corrupting the young!!!!).
Aries Loses Interest or Aries Gives Up
What the fuck? what kind of Aries, god of War, gives up the fight? jeez, one sore back, one night of little sleep, and i cut out of parenting group just to stay in bed. but even worse (do i want to know what that is on m shirt? no. not really.), even worse is i missed a chance to make a new convert.
it’s one thing for those of us who were around when Sandman was actually coming out on a regular basis to be Neil Gaiman fans. and now that we are grown — at least in age — we can read our kids the childrens books he’s written. but what about that group IN BETWEEN? the too-young to have known the awesome comics, and the too-old to know about trading one’s dad for not one but two goldfish?
so i was — ahem, pardon, i AM — going to convert the former ShyBoy / now StudMuffin. Make him into a Gaiman fan by giving him an extra copy i have of Neverwhere. then he can pass it along to his other friends, and a whole group just slightly older than Mr. Gaimans beautiful daughter Maddie will start looking for Gaiman fiction, then comics (and Sandman is just the tip of the comic iceberg). it’ll probably be more interesting than me trying to wear his resolve not to kiss me down to a, “what the hell? might as well…”
granted by the time that boy does get around to kissing me, he’d better be a good kisser. if i have to wait so long that we are in my room with the air conditioner on… ok, i suppose that could be next week . (it won’t be but it could). i supposed i can give him the book friday since i have to get blood taken (how much blood does his mom want from me? maybe i was wrong about the whole werewolf thing — i just gave blood a month ago. and i was wearing my fangs when i gave him my number… [umm, you do know i'm joking about the whole vamp/were thing, right? just making sure])
which reminds me: friday is my son’s “moving up” to 2nd grade ceremony. his last day of school is the 28th, and it’ll probably be a half day. and those family court bastards switched our court date from 7 july to 28 june. i don’t want to bring my son to court! what if he bumps into his dad? my son was just saying how nice it is not having to see his dad. i find it relaxing. the tantrums have gone from all the time within the 24hours before and after a visit with his dad to almost nothing, and now he actually has reasons for getting upset. homework is done in about ten minutes, and we’ve had time to watch a movie or go to the park on school nights. my son isn’t lying like he did when his dad was around. and, even better, it’s been a while since my son has had nightmares. (at first he would start to whimper for me and when i woke him up would say he remembered watching his dad hurt me but otherwise…).
hmmm. maybe it is the switching of the court dates — a warrior, even one as good as Aries, can really only concentrate on one battle at a time. and while the ShyBoy / StudMuffin is infinitely more enjoyable, i must concentrate my efforts on my son and keeping his dad out of his life. if my son can go from verging on a nervous breakdown / regression to being his hapy-go-lucky, sweet, angelic self, in just a few weeks without his dad — oh, and his grades have gone back up — imagine what my son could do if he never had to see his dad again?
so, SB / SM, i haven’t given up (although it would be interesting to check out that Free Will stuff). i’m just off to do battle for my son. and then i’ll make you kick yourself for not kissing me sooner because i am a damn fine kisser, amongst other things lol
omg i am truly pathetic
wow. this ShyBoy thing is driving me nuts. ooops, let me re-write that:
wow. this StudMuffin (formerly ShyBoy but my son thinks StudMuffin is funnier. I think my son is picturing a huge muffin with tom cats “making kittens” with female cats in heat — like our Nikita — on top. not sure what his idea of “making kittens” is. not sure i want to know.*) thing is driving me nuts. wtf??? 6, i mean, SIX hours of talking, not to mention the ten minute story about a girl he was so not into and he kisses her anyway, and i get a kiss on the cheek???
i should probably mention that it was during my eight year relationship with BD (my son, N’s, Bad/Biological Dad) that i got, um, “fluffy.” as in, “I’m not fat, i’m fluffy.” BD is into big girls. not just plus sized, but super plus sized. he was a little fluffy when i met him, became obese when he was with creepy (good thing he has those womanly hands…i kept warning him if he put on any more weight he wouldn’t be able to find his penis, then where would he be?). then he lost some weight living with us. and, finally, he did the crystal meth / crack diet after moving in with his intern and lost A LOT of weight “SUPER FAST” (as my son said).
anyways, StudMuffin *snicker* is the first boy i hit on since “getting fluffy”. actually, i’m pretty sure he’s the first boy i’ve ever hit on. or maybe every guy has just “gone for it” and kissed me before i felt like i was hitting on him. then there’s the fact that i usually only care when it comes to women: i always felt that if a woman turned me down i would be much more emotionally involved than if i was turned down by a boy. not that i can remember being turned down by a boy… hey, i even turned down an actor who has the same first name as da Vinci! and, after all, i DID get the idea to become fluffy so that guys wouldn’t hit on me anymore. though that was with the idea that fluffy lesbians usually have girlfriends and, well, WHERE DA WOMEN AT???
still, i think if StudMuffin *snicker, snort* really WAS a SHYBOY, it wouldn’t be so… obsessive (argh! but StudMuffin does has two clubs: one for girls who just stalk him, the other for those who stalk him AND for the ones who go “bat shit” crazy over him, in addition to the stalking). but the fact that ShyBoy is ACTUALLY a SlutBoy… not to mention that really repulsive girl who gave him mono and turned him off but he still kissed her… where’s my kiss? i KNOW he’d enjoy it! i’m a damn fine kisser, and i’ve had compliments (and never a complaint) about many other talents i possess. my breasts alone should make him want to kiss me! (as long as the boobs stick out further than the belly…lol)
jeez. have i sunk so low i’m not even looking for a pity fuck but a pity kiss? i guess so. of course the idea of “teaching” him is gone — he’s probably been with more people than i have & wouldn’t be up for lessons. but while my booty call & i are getting more in sync, booty call finishes & i’m left with… a stomach ache if it was close, and frustration either way. (so why do i keep seeing him? i’m optimistic.)
ok. enough of this. i need to make dinner for my son. why, oh why, is it so hard to find a BootyCall who can satisfy me? it really is not hard — heck, if i sit forward on a train i can, um, have fun. there are fricking directions for goddess sake!!! go for the curved barbell — less than a minute & you can stick a fork in me ‘cuz i’m done lol
have a good evening y’all
*my son has walked in on me having sex with his dad more than once. one time, we were, well, i was up against a wall, with his dad behind me & his dad’s excuse was “we were looking to see where we should hang a [non-existent] poster”. another time, “mommy” was cleaning the couch with daddy helping, from over my shoulder (well, behind, but if you think i was cleaning the couch i’ve got a few bridges to sell you.).
last, but definitely not least, was the time i was in so much fibromyalgia pain, and i was bleary-eyed & taking a nap when his dad comes into bed to join me & use those wonderful hands of his yadda yadda yadda i hear my son ask, “whats wrong with mommy?” and as i open my eyes to see my son at the foot of my bed watching a movie i hear his dad say, “mommy’s just having a muscle spasm.” yeah, i got a little paranoid about my son being around after that. i mean, at least i was under a blanket, but i don’t even want to know how long my son was there…i guess i should mention this was probably revenge for me saying how his dad was sick for being able to get off with our son in the bed…
ShyBoy Quickie
well, ShyBoy can no longer be called ShyBoy. the boy is a slut or a stud depending on how you want to look at it. six hours hanging out&talking&i get a very obvious kiss on the CHEEK (and not the cheek with the red mark from my duct tape wallet).
My son asked why he didn’t kiss me good-bye&I said, “I guess he doesn’t see me that way.”
i even sent him a text — telling him i was updating my blog&WHY didn’t he kiss me? i mean, at some point he must”ve wanted to but he DIDN’T.
i haven’t dated anyone but my son’s dad since i got “fluffy” — but if he didn’t like fluffy chicks why hang out with me?
and my age didn’t stop him… unless it was seeing me as a mom to my 6 yr old son that made him think, “hmmm… maybe this isn’t a girl i want to kiss.”
but what’s in a kiss? it’s not like i said i wanted to fuck him. i just find him kissable.
should i have kissed him? i can’t remember the last time i talked to someone non-stop (pretty much) for more than six hours. and a very deliberate kiss on the cheek.
i’ll let y’all know what his side is. even if i have to embarrass myself in front of him. again. lol
Aristocats & Bodyslamming
REVIEW: DISNEY’s The ARISTOCATS
Excellent movie, especially for cat lovers and fans of the “classic” Disney movies. Of course, a classic Disney movie wouldn’t have starred cats as we all know Walt Disney hated cats…
This is a charming story about a mother cat and her three kittens who live the good live in Paris, 1910. When the butler finds out that Madame is leaving everything to the cats for the rest of their lives, he decides to do away with the cats. They are saved by an alley cat with a heart of gold and live… well, you know how they live!
The Aristocats does seem to borrow a bit from a few other Disney movies: 101 Dalmations (kidnapped animals who must rely on one another to get home safely); The Lady and the Tramp (Upper crust female meets alley cat male and true love follows); and even Jungle Book (the alley cat has some friends who introduce the feline family to some swinging jazz).
Overall, not a bad way to spend an hour and a half. The art, credits, music, and even the voices are classic Disney.
BODYSLAMMING
well, so much for a career in pro-wrestling for me! last night BD came up from behind, put me in a choke hold, and body-slammed me down to the floor in the hallway of my building. (and i thought not letting him IN to the apartment would protect me). then i get cuffed — after explaining that my right shoulder would dislocate, i was allowed to be attached to a gate with my left arm behind me. i didnt even think of the embarassment of my neighbours seeing. i was more concerned with the muscle spasms that were starting. then there’s the pain from being choked and body-slammed (who gets BODY SLAMMED??? WTF???) when the officer finally uncuffed me, she pressed her thumb (accidentally; she was actually very nice but if you dont have fibromyalgia you wont know the pressure points) right into / onto one on the inner elbow on my left side. i can feel it, along with the shooting pain going up my arm and down it into my hand.
then there’s the pain in my neck — figuratively and literally. BD said he was going to jail and said, twice, to me, “you’re lucky i’m so nice,” or i’d be going to jail, too, on BS, trumped-up charges. yes, BD is so very bad that once again, our 6yr old son got to see his mother on the floor with his dads hands / arms around his mothers neck. yes, yes, i am sooo very lucky he’s so nice. what would happen if he wasn’t so nice?
the District Attorney was calling me until 10:30pm last night. they are finally going to include my son into the restraining order. and it is a total stay away. well, i suppose it’s for the best. his facebook page actually advertises how he enjoys choking women”.
i’d type more but my, well, my everything hurts, is bruised, swollen…
blessed be
Coming Soon (Hopefully)
- Duct Tape Wallets: how to make a quick and easy duct tape wallet without cheating (cheating is putting cardboard or paper in between the duct tape layers).Bad Dad Part 2 — what happens when he gets out of jail monday morning and realizes the restraining order has been modified to include our son?
- I consider maybe, possibly, kinda-sorta exercising (or possible dieting) to lose the weight BD wanted me to have
- Life with my son minus the negativity that is his dad
- reviews of some older graphic novels (not too much older) and books that deserve another chance
- and anything else i can think of or you can suggest
good night, y’all!
Blessed Be
