How To Properly Insult Someone (updated, again)

After dealing with my son’s dad, his last three girlfriends (one of whom sent 350+ in 24 hours from different email addresses–one using my cats name. Do the math. Yeah.), a person who once lied to sound more like me but when called on her rewriting history decided to try and insult me (13 texts when I awoke. Because I’d blocked her on Facebook. Thirteen. Couldn’t make it up if I tried.), etc, I have decided to write a short piece on How To Properly Insult Someone. I.e., How To Insult Someone So You Are Not Laughed At / Made To Look Like An Idiot.

RULE #1: Stick to the truth. The truth hurts.

RULE #2: If the person is better looking than you, do not attempt to insult their looks.

An example from my most recent hater, “Nobody likes a fat girl with crooked eyebrows”. (*snort* *giggle*)
This is coming from a girl whose eyes are close set (a sign of lower intelligence) and a huge man-jaw, made ever more prominent by her latest eating disorder.
First off, I chose to get fat so guys wouldn’t hit on me. Yet they still do. A lot. So that was a miss.
As for my eyebrows? I didn’t care if they were even or not.
As for why they are penciled on? See…

RULE #3: Find Our The Insultees Medical History So You Don’t Look Stupid

I had cervical cancer my last year of college, plus a few more years. My brows grow in patchy. So I pencil them. If I care, I make them even. If I’m meeting someone who had one friend til I introduced her to mine, I don’t care if they’re even.
This latest frenemy thinks I’m living in the past. If someone refers to the past, but won’t go into detail, it’s probably so you won’t be hurt…

RULE #4:  If You’re Trying To Insult Someone Who Refers to Part, But Not All Of The Past– They Are Trying To Spare You The Truth

“You’re obsessed with the past because it was the best time of your life…I’ve blocked you from my iPhone.” (Recent frenemy, once again showing lower intelligence.)

First, you’re showing your lack of intelligence by having an iPhone. The most basic research will show you the many problems with iPhone. Androids are infinitely better.
Secondly, no, my life with my son, now, is the best. HOWEVER, what I didn’t want you to know is how they were laughing AT you, not WITH you.
We would try and schedule hang-outs without you because someone would have to take care of you (tho we all knew you had to be faking it. But since everyone else was above average intelligence, we weren’t sure if things affected one if average intelligence– you– differently.)
One of the many jokes about you was if I’d kissed a boy, he’d better not get drunk around you because you had a thing for my leftovers but they had to be drunk to do you.
When we met for lunch and you said you didn’t meet up with a certain someone because you’d go at it– how many times in the first few years was he sober during the act? Did he ever take you on a date like he did with me? (BTW, I know the answers, from him. No, he’s never been sober. No date; wouldn’t want to be alone in public. Still embarrassed. Wouldn’t hook up now unless drunk and horny and first one there because you’d apparently do anyone I’ve been with.)

RULE #5: Know What You’re Talking About
Back to the frenemy. I didn’t read thru all thirteen texts but from what I read:

– you call me crazy. (Lol.) I have been in therapy, by choice, with various therapists over the years, but none for less than three years with one visit a week. All of them have declared me sane. Quite sane.
Can you say the same? (Nope.)
When I blocked you on Facebook, you texted me to tell me I was blocked from your iPhone. Yet when I used a friends phone to text you back, lmao, you said, lol, that I was crazy for using another method of response.
What does that make you for texting me when blocked on Facebook??? Lmao.
Those close set eyes give away your average IQ (nothing to be ashamed of. Someone has to be average.), so I’ll explain:
According to YOUR logic, if one is blocked on one medium and uses another, they are crazy. Like when you were blocked on Facebook and texted me, you were… (Psst. The answer is “crazy”.)

Update: despite being told I was using a friend’s phone, frenemy texted him. Something about how ” [I] win, she’s going back to [her] life! Thin”.
He called to tell me of the text and asked if “thin” was all she had and could text and tell her what a pathetic nutjob she is.
I told him not to. If thin is all she has, she is more sad and pathetic than we all thought (my friends and I).
Anyone can lose weight. I’ve been thin. I’ve been so thin that one could see the outline of my internal organs. (Tho I owe that to the cancer.)
And as fluffy as I may be, on my worst day, in my attention getting jeans, T, and sneakers, with uneven eyebrows, I still LOOK BETTER THAN YOU.
You see, your hatred and jealousy make you ugly on the inside and it shows on the outside.
Yet I don’t hate you. I pity you. If thin is all you’ve got– not your son or husband, etc– I feel bad for you.

– you made some comment about getting a job and people with fibromyalgia having jobs blah blah blah. First off, nobody with fibromyalgia has JUST fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia ALWAYS comes with another illness.
So, let’s see, first of all, fibromyalgia is not all that is physically wrong with me. But the other things — herniated discs and such — are none of your concern.
Let’s just say with my physical disabilities, I have been unable to find a job. So I created one: I work as a freelance / ghostwriter.
Which brings me to your husband. You said he couldn’t find a job. He has no disabilities. Where’s the problem?
Oh, wait: solution.
Marry a girl with low self-esteem. Have her work to support husband AND his kids from previous relationship.
Give Low Self-esteem a kid.
Send Low Self-esteem out to work and support husband, kid with husband, and husbands kids from previous relationship.
Problem solved for husband.

– from an ex of my son’s dad: ” it must suck knowing that your dad hates you.”
(Odd. Then why does he make a point of seeing my son and I once a week? And email more often?)
“It must suck knowing that your mom hates you.”
(Hmmm… Which “mom”? Biological? The ex-stepmother who was more a mom than my own, whom I’m still in touch with despite being married to a man– not my dad–for the past two decades?)
Put those two together and you get someone throwing darts with a blindfold. (Oddly, her eyes were close together, too.)

– I cut and pasted the thirteen texts sent by frenemy so friends could read and comment. Apparently, frenemy says something about my being an ” attention whore”. Well, that really gave me a good laugh. But you know what? She must be right since it took her 6+ years to get thru a city college and she has a masters in sociology, the easiest of all studies.
But she was referring to me. The attention whore who didn’t leave her apartment for two years. The girl who got fat so guys wouldn’t hit on her. The girl who has worn jeans, T-shirt, and sneakers or Doc Martins her whole life.
Methinks someone is jealous that the girl in the last paragraph received more compliments than the frenemy in her ill-fitting dress the time they hung out.
It must suck to starve yourself, get all dressed up, and still have everyone look at the “fat chick with uneven eyebrows” and have nobody look at you.
I see where the hate comes from.

– from all three of my son’s dad’s girlfriends: “he doesn’t want you. He wants me.” Oh, please. Take him. I’ll PAY you to take him!
Each girlfriend was the same.
They’d say he doesn’t want me, move on.
I’d say, “Take him, with my apologies. I don’t want him.”
They’d say, “Then why are you all over him? He tells me everything.”
And I’d say, “So, he’s the one telling you this. But all the calls on his phone are TO me. You’re in front of MY place; I’ve NEVER been to yours.” Etc.
He’d come to me with a choice: have sex or my /our son comes home with cuts and bruises. I said, “Neither. Have sex with your girlfriend. Be a dad to your son. And tell your girl to leave me alone.”
And the truth would come out: he wanted two girls to physically fight over him. And these dumb girls would fall for it, hook, line, and sinker.

I’m sure my frenemy has given me more rules, but, honestly, I have better things to do than read all of her texts. I’ll put them in the folder with the ex-girlfriend who sent 350+ emails in 24 hours a few years ago. One day I’ll read them.
Lol.
Maybe not.
All I know is Frenemy keeps emailing me and I’ve told her three times: you are harassing me. If you contact me again, I will get a restraining order.
Yup, after all this time, she’s still obsessed with me.
Sadly, even after reading this blog, the only insult she could come up with is, “Your blog with zero comments.” Lol. As if all comments are public. And, even if I had zero comments, who cares??? I don’t. Apparently she does. I guess she wants her idol to have more public comments…

Either way, the lesson you should take from this is:

RULE #1: Stick To The Truth. The Truth Hurts.

P.S. Frenemy: you know who and what you are.
When diagnosed with cancer, I removed all negativity from my life.
As I’ve told the girlfriends of my son’s dad: do not contact me again or there will be a restraining order against you.
Blessed Be.
Dee Kat

And it drags on… lol

So MM thinks we should be just friends because he’s doing it for me. He says he’s worried about my feelings and that I may harbor some hope of something in future.
Lmfao
Please.
He’s good but not that good! Hell with a girl I can get off in two seconds bit with guys… well OK it is rare to find a guy who gets me off. Almost every time. And makes up for the times he doesn’t.
Ok. So he is good. But I’ve told him I’d never be his gf again. I’ve had guys end it& they always come back &I always say no. It’s a matter of pride. Or ego. And who’d want to date a guy dumb enough to break up with me in the first place? Lol
So he’s going to call later (earlier he was helping me with my detoxing)…
Then there’s this girl I was really into last year but she was still into her ex. Turns out she still is. Hopefully I’ll get a good friend out of her but Dang it she’s a Jew&crazy like me but still the ex is … probably a really great person.
*sigh*
So I’m detoxing and bedridden according to my pain Dr.
Fun…
And yet the only sexual partner I’d like is using his weekend pass to see his mom tomorrow :( oh&thinks sex isn’t a good idea. Crazy boy. (Maybe that should be his code name?)

Beloved wherefore art thou?

I met my Beloved (B) in 1994. Love at first sight. At least for me. I grew so attached to her daughter that when B&I lost touch about ’98 I think losing her daughter was more painful…
Fast forward about ten years. B has a son a year older than my boy&immediately I vow I will never get close to her boy as I cannot go thru the pain of losing another child.
This summer B’s mom passed suddenly leaving B&her older brother a house in south Jersey. It was going to be perfect, B assured me. Out boys could have bunkbeds& B&I would share a room. If one of us had a guy over the other could sleep in her daughters room. (Yes, the one I lost but still love as my own tho I doubt she knows it.)
B would bartenders nights and I would take care of the boys, chores. And write and get in shape.
Then it all fell apart&I don’t know why. I know Bs brother was staying …
But now my son & I are screwed. I can’t get in touch with B. And I’m pissed. She was supposed to be my friend.
I asked if we could move in in December but no answer. And I’d need a drivers license to live there but could use one anyway &she said I could use her car but…again, screwed. (We would have more options if I had my license but I can’t afford to rent a car.)
So,I ask, Beloved, wherefore art thou and WHY???

It’s 3:30am&I’ve been texting 14+ hours. I give.

Aries Loses Interest or Aries Gives Up

What the fuck? what kind of Aries, god of War, gives up the fight? jeez, one sore back, one night of little sleep, and i cut out of parenting group just to stay in bed. but even worse (do i want to know what that is on m shirt? no. not really.), even worse is i missed a chance to make a new convert.

it’s one thing for those of us who were around when Sandman was actually coming out on a regular basis to be Neil Gaiman fans. and now that we are grown — at least in age — we can read our kids the childrens books he’s written. but what about that group IN BETWEEN? the too-young to have known the awesome comics, and the too-old to know about trading one’s dad for not one but two goldfish?

so i was — ahem, pardon, i AM — going to convert the former ShyBoy / now StudMuffin. Make him into a Gaiman fan by giving him an extra copy i have of Neverwhere. then he can pass it along to his other friends, and a whole group just slightly older than Mr. Gaimans beautiful daughter Maddie will start looking for Gaiman fiction, then comics (and Sandman is just the tip of the comic iceberg). it’ll probably be more interesting than me trying to wear his resolve not to kiss me down to a, “what the hell? might as well…”

granted by the time that boy does get around to kissing me, he’d better be a good kisser. if i have to wait so long that we are in my room with the air conditioner on… ok, i suppose that could be next week . (it won’t be but it could). i supposed i can give him the book friday since i have to get blood taken (how much blood does his mom want from me? maybe i was wrong about the whole werewolf thing — i just gave blood a month ago. and i was wearing my fangs when i gave him my number… [umm, you do know i'm joking about the whole vamp/were thing, right? just making sure])

which reminds me:  friday is my son’s “moving up” to 2nd grade ceremony. his last day of school is the 28th, and it’ll probably be a half day. and those family court bastards switched our court date from 7 july to 28 june. i don’t want to bring my son to court! what if he bumps into his dad? my son was just saying how nice it is not having to see his dad. i find it relaxing. the tantrums have gone from all the time within the 24hours before and after a visit with his dad to almost nothing, and now he actually has reasons for getting upset. homework is done in about ten minutes, and we’ve had time to watch a movie or go to the park on school nights. my son isn’t lying like he did when his dad was around. and, even better, it’s been a while since my son has had nightmares. (at first he would start to whimper for me and when i woke him up would say he remembered watching his dad hurt me but otherwise…).

hmmm. maybe it is the switching of the court dates — a warrior, even one as good as Aries, can really only concentrate on one battle at a time. and while the ShyBoy / StudMuffin is infinitely more enjoyable, i must concentrate my efforts on my son and keeping his dad out of his life. if my son can go from verging on a nervous breakdown / regression to being his hapy-go-lucky, sweet, angelic self, in just a few weeks without his dad — oh, and his grades have gone back up — imagine what my son could do if he never had to see his dad again?

so, SB / SM, i haven’t given up (although it would be interesting to check out that Free Will stuff). i’m just off to do battle for my son. and then i’ll make you kick yourself for not kissing me sooner because i am a damn fine kisser, amongst other things lol

Aristocats & Bodyslamming

REVIEW: DISNEY’s The ARISTOCATS

Excellent movie, especially for cat lovers and fans of the “classic” Disney movies. Of course, a classic Disney movie wouldn’t have starred cats as we all know Walt Disney hated cats…

This is a charming story about a mother cat and her three kittens who live the good live in Paris, 1910. When the butler finds out that Madame is leaving everything to the cats for the rest of their lives, he decides to do away with the cats. They are saved by an alley cat with a heart of gold and live… well, you know how they live!

The Aristocats does seem to borrow a bit from a few other Disney movies: 101 Dalmations (kidnapped animals who must rely on one another to get home safely); The Lady and the Tramp (Upper crust female meets alley cat male and true love follows); and even Jungle Book (the alley cat has some friends who introduce the feline family to some swinging jazz).

Overall, not a bad way to spend an hour and a half. The art, credits, music, and even the voices are classic Disney.

 

BODYSLAMMING

well, so much for a career in pro-wrestling for me! last night BD came up from behind, put me in a choke hold, and body-slammed me down to the floor in the hallway of my building. (and i thought not letting him IN to the apartment would protect me). then i get cuffed — after explaining that my right shoulder would dislocate, i was allowed to be attached to a gate with my left arm behind me. i didnt even think of the embarassment of my neighbours seeing. i was more concerned with the muscle spasms that were starting. then there’s the pain from being choked and body-slammed (who gets BODY SLAMMED??? WTF???) when the officer finally uncuffed me, she pressed her thumb (accidentally; she was actually very nice but if you dont have fibromyalgia you wont know the pressure points) right into / onto one on the inner elbow on my left side. i can feel it, along with the shooting pain going up my arm and down it into my hand.

then there’s the pain in my neck — figuratively and literally. BD said he was going to jail and said, twice, to me, “you’re lucky i’m so nice,” or i’d be going to jail, too, on BS, trumped-up charges. yes, BD is so very bad that once again, our 6yr old son got to see his mother on the floor with his dads hands / arms around his mothers neck. yes, yes, i am sooo very lucky he’s so nice. what would happen if he wasn’t so nice?

the District Attorney was calling me until 10:30pm last night. they are finally going to include my son into the restraining order. and it is a total stay away. well, i suppose it’s for the best. his facebook page actually advertises how he enjoys choking women”.

i’d type more but my, well, my everything hurts, is bruised, swollen…

blessed be