Archive for the 'fibromyalgia' Category


Needle in my knee shown in video


And it drags on… lol

So MM thinks we should be just friends because he’s doing it for me. He says he’s worried about my feelings and that I may harbor some hope of something in future.
He’s good but not that good! Hell with a girl I can get off in two seconds bit with guys… well OK it is rare to find a guy who gets me off. Almost every time. And makes up for the times he doesn’t.
Ok. So he is good. But I’ve told him I’d never be his gf again. I’ve had guys end it& they always come back &I always say no. It’s a matter of pride. Or ego. And who’d want to date a guy dumb enough to break up with me in the first place? Lol
So he’s going to call later (earlier he was helping me with my detoxing)…
Then there’s this girl I was really into last year but she was still into her ex. Turns out she still is. Hopefully I’ll get a good friend out of her but Dang it she’s a Jew&crazy like me but still the ex is … probably a really great person.
So I’m detoxing and bedridden according to my pain Dr.
And yet the only sexual partner I’d like is using his weekend pass to see his mom tomorrow :( oh&thinks sex isn’t a good idea. Crazy boy. (Maybe that should be his code name?)


Beloved wherefore art thou?

I met my Beloved (B) in 1994. Love at first sight. At least for me. I grew so attached to her daughter that when B&I lost touch about ’98 I think losing her daughter was more painful…
Fast forward about ten years. B has a son a year older than my boy&immediately I vow I will never get close to her boy as I cannot go thru the pain of losing another child.
This summer B’s mom passed suddenly leaving B&her older brother a house in south Jersey. It was going to be perfect, B assured me. Out boys could have bunkbeds& B&I would share a room. If one of us had a guy over the other could sleep in her daughters room. (Yes, the one I lost but still love as my own tho I doubt she knows it.)
B would bartenders nights and I would take care of the boys, chores. And write and get in shape.
Then it all fell apart&I don’t know why. I know Bs brother was staying …
But now my son & I are screwed. I can’t get in touch with B. And I’m pissed. She was supposed to be my friend.
I asked if we could move in in December but no answer. And I’d need a drivers license to live there but could use one anyway &she said I could use her car but…again, screwed. (We would have more options if I had my license but I can’t afford to rent a car.)
So,I ask, Beloved, wherefore art thou and WHY???

It’s 3:30am&I’ve been texting 14+ hours. I give.


Aries Loses Interest or Aries Gives Up

What the fuck? what kind of Aries, god of War, gives up the fight? jeez, one sore back, one night of little sleep, and i cut out of parenting group just to stay in bed. but even worse (do i want to know what that is on m shirt? no. not really.), even worse is i missed a chance to make a new convert.

it’s one thing for those of us who were around when Sandman was actually coming out on a regular basis to be Neil Gaiman fans. and now that we are grown — at least in age — we can read our kids the childrens books he’s written. but what about that group IN BETWEEN? the too-young to have known the awesome comics, and the too-old to know about trading one’s dad for not one but two goldfish?

so i was — ahem, pardon, i AM — going to convert the former ShyBoy / now StudMuffin. Make him into a Gaiman fan by giving him an extra copy i have of Neverwhere. then he can pass it along to his other friends, and a whole group just slightly older than Mr. Gaimans beautiful daughter Maddie will start looking for Gaiman fiction, then comics (and Sandman is just the tip of the comic iceberg). it’ll probably be more interesting than me trying to wear his resolve not to kiss me down to a, “what the hell? might as well…”

granted by the time that boy does get around to kissing me, he’d better be a good kisser. if i have to wait so long that we are in my room with the air conditioner on… ok, i suppose that could be next week . (it won’t be but it could). i supposed i can give him the book friday since i have to get blood taken (how much blood does his mom want from me? maybe i was wrong about the whole werewolf thing — i just gave blood a month ago. and i was wearing my fangs when i gave him my number… [umm, you do know i'm joking about the whole vamp/were thing, right? just making sure])

which reminds me:  friday is my son’s “moving up” to 2nd grade ceremony. his last day of school is the 28th, and it’ll probably be a half day. and those family court bastards switched our court date from 7 july to 28 june. i don’t want to bring my son to court! what if he bumps into his dad? my son was just saying how nice it is not having to see his dad. i find it relaxing. the tantrums have gone from all the time within the 24hours before and after a visit with his dad to almost nothing, and now he actually has reasons for getting upset. homework is done in about ten minutes, and we’ve had time to watch a movie or go to the park on school nights. my son isn’t lying like he did when his dad was around. and, even better, it’s been a while since my son has had nightmares. (at first he would start to whimper for me and when i woke him up would say he remembered watching his dad hurt me but otherwise…).

hmmm. maybe it is the switching of the court dates — a warrior, even one as good as Aries, can really only concentrate on one battle at a time. and while the ShyBoy / StudMuffin is infinitely more enjoyable, i must concentrate my efforts on my son and keeping his dad out of his life. if my son can go from verging on a nervous breakdown / regression to being his hapy-go-lucky, sweet, angelic self, in just a few weeks without his dad — oh, and his grades have gone back up — imagine what my son could do if he never had to see his dad again?

so, SB / SM, i haven’t given up (although it would be interesting to check out that Free Will stuff). i’m just off to do battle for my son. and then i’ll make you kick yourself for not kissing me sooner because i am a damn fine kisser, amongst other things lol


Aristocats & Bodyslamming


Excellent movie, especially for cat lovers and fans of the “classic” Disney movies. Of course, a classic Disney movie wouldn’t have starred cats as we all know Walt Disney hated cats…

This is a charming story about a mother cat and her three kittens who live the good live in Paris, 1910. When the butler finds out that Madame is leaving everything to the cats for the rest of their lives, he decides to do away with the cats. They are saved by an alley cat with a heart of gold and live… well, you know how they live!

The Aristocats does seem to borrow a bit from a few other Disney movies: 101 Dalmations (kidnapped animals who must rely on one another to get home safely); The Lady and the Tramp (Upper crust female meets alley cat male and true love follows); and even Jungle Book (the alley cat has some friends who introduce the feline family to some swinging jazz).

Overall, not a bad way to spend an hour and a half. The art, credits, music, and even the voices are classic Disney.



well, so much for a career in pro-wrestling for me! last night BD came up from behind, put me in a choke hold, and body-slammed me down to the floor in the hallway of my building. (and i thought not letting him IN to the apartment would protect me). then i get cuffed — after explaining that my right shoulder would dislocate, i was allowed to be attached to a gate with my left arm behind me. i didnt even think of the embarassment of my neighbours seeing. i was more concerned with the muscle spasms that were starting. then there’s the pain from being choked and body-slammed (who gets BODY SLAMMED??? WTF???) when the officer finally uncuffed me, she pressed her thumb (accidentally; she was actually very nice but if you dont have fibromyalgia you wont know the pressure points) right into / onto one on the inner elbow on my left side. i can feel it, along with the shooting pain going up my arm and down it into my hand.

then there’s the pain in my neck — figuratively and literally. BD said he was going to jail and said, twice, to me, “you’re lucky i’m so nice,” or i’d be going to jail, too, on BS, trumped-up charges. yes, BD is so very bad that once again, our 6yr old son got to see his mother on the floor with his dads hands / arms around his mothers neck. yes, yes, i am sooo very lucky he’s so nice. what would happen if he wasn’t so nice?

the District Attorney was calling me until 10:30pm last night. they are finally going to include my son into the restraining order. and it is a total stay away. well, i suppose it’s for the best. his facebook page actually advertises how he enjoys choking women”.

i’d type more but my, well, my everything hurts, is bruised, swollen…

blessed be

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